Over It!

I am so over life as we know it. In a world that remains divided over protocol, science and mandates, I’m over all of it.

The Lies

Most of us are guilty to some degree that bought into the lies and fear of Covid. There are a few that were over it before it started, like my dad, but most of us can’t say that.

As I mentioned before, I did it all, wore the mask, quarantined groceries, lysoled packages and shoes, and stayed home.

BUT!!! I Eventually got to the “over it point,” before ever catching Covid.

The unfortunate part of it all, is most of those that still believe the lies and fear this disease have been closed off from the truth. Now, they are not excused, but I do understand it.

The truth has been closed off to most because they accept it. The rest of us had to seek out the truth, join alternate social media groups and find like-minded people to share our findings. It quickly became, secret chats, downloaded videos, shared screen recordings and the small sliver of true journalists who help to share and speak truth. It is talk radio, the Rush Limbaughs, Clay Travis , Hanitys and Glenn Becks. It is equally the viewer funded broadcasters and places like the Epoch Times. It is the Rumbles over YouTube and Telgrams over Twitters. Truth over Lies.

We’ve all become really good at researching for the stuff “they,” don’t want you to know. When I say “they,” I mean the Main Stream Media like CNN, NBC, and MSNBC, those that have their pockets lined and controlled by the government leaders that are making money off of their political positions. “They” also means the CEOs of the big box companies and big names like Facebook, Amazon, Walmart and Twitter. Their gig is to get rich while we fall in line and comply.

Start Asking Questions

If you are on the other side or just starting to take a pause at your own political side, start with asking questions.

Question 1: Why do the narratives of CNN and MSNBC differ so greatly from Fox News? Is it because Fox News is so wrong? I urge you to watch 10 minutes. Typically they have an opposing opinion to discuss with the “right-wing media” spews. What are they talking about? Is it a story you haven’t really heard yet? If so, why haven’t you heard about it? I don’t ever suggest just blindly believing Fox News but flip the channels while watching your choice narrative. Question everything.

Question 2: Why are people being censored? Is it to save us all from disinformation? Do you not value opposing views? Are you satisfied with being in a box without windows?

Question 3: Why do you think that Everyone is pushing for a vaccine that only helps YOUR symptoms? Is it for your health? Then why does it matter what your neighbor does? Or does money play a big role?

Question 4: Why are proven early treatments being censored? Why is the government telling medical doctors how to do what they spent years in school learning and their career practicing? Who should you believe?

Question 5: Is freedom important, or are you comfortable just listening to whatever you are told? Have you seen Australia? If not, look it up.

Question 6: Have you done everything they told you and still got Covid? If so, when is enough? When will you be over it?

If your answer is soon, welcome to the side of Truth. Start researching and blocking out the fear. Live your life, move on and tell someone what you know. Let Truth spread like Fire. Find a church and physically step inside. WE ALL NEED JESUS.

The Sun

I miss the sun. I miss it so much. I miss the heat on my face and the glow on my skin. I miss the endless days of summer break, splashing water and the sound of laughter from my kids. I have always hated Fall. Most people get excited over pumpkin spice, falling leaves and cooler weather. I do not. I have this plant that grows beautifully green and strong all through summer. Its stems and leaves grow and look like plastic. It starts budding toward the end of summer. I love that plant. It has been with me for so long, nearly nineteen years. Every year I grow proud at its overwhelming dedication to grow despite maybe the lack of poor care. It grows. It was nearly one of the first plants that survived, seems to be very hearty. However the height of my excitement with its unfailing life greatly overshadows the dread of its burnt mauve color blooms, meaning the end of summer is near. Although each season brings its share of joy, the one where the Sun is the star is my favorite.

You know, the Sun is healing. Truly. It provides the amazing health benefits in Vitamin D, which strengthens our immune system. Right now, people need the sun more than ever.

So whether it is Covid, a cols or depression, sit out in the sun, even when it’s not Summer, and feel the warmth and our Sun’s healing power.

Why I Vote No on Mask Mandates

Our county board held an emergency meeting to vote on mask mandates for our school, but I didn’t stand up to share my story.. Here is what I wanted to say:

I Use to Wear a Mask

When the schools closed in March 2020, I was teaching. I was really nervous about the virus, before it even arrived in the United States. I felt very fortunate to have started preparing, buying essentials before there was even a shortage.

At first, I don’t believe anyone anticipated the lockdowns to last the rest of the year. Everything was closed. I immediately started making homemade masks, before it was cool. I wanted to protect my family from this unknown.

I first wore a mask in the first weeks, when Fauci was telling us not to, that they didn’t work. However, I opted for any added protection. I remember feeling embarrassed, but my fears overrode any uncomfortable feelings.

During those months, I feared so much. We stopped going to church, we got our groceries delivered, we quarentined mail and packages, and cleaned every inch, twice. I made my husband wash his clothes immediately after work and then shower. I used lysol to sanitize the bottoms of my feet after being in a store.

Once Summer came, I was ready to venture out and live responsibly. My family was very diligent in wearing a mask, even my almost four year old complied. We did it to keep ourselves and others safe.

We ate out on patios, wiped off surfaces and even went to the beach, with masks.

When school opened up, the county had put many covid protocols in place for safety. Desk shields, sanitizer, masks, super-duper cleaning spray, gloves, and even face shields. I kept an air purifier in my classroom and office. I even bought scrubs so that I could wash my clothes on HOT everyday without ruining my wardrobe.

I was scared.

I wore a mask.

I did it all to keep safe.

Masks Should Not Be Polictical

I never understood why masks became so political, until I realized that I had been sleeping for all of 2020. I had friends and family that never wore masks, I thought it was a death sentence. My father was so openly opposed to masks that I didn’t understand. I didn’t see why anyone should be ridiculed for their choices. I was still scared and wore the mask.

Masks became a political statement. If you tried to go without a mask during the mask mandates, you must love Trump or be a conservative. I voted Trump, I consider myself a conservative, but I wore a mask. Those complying were Democrats, Liberals, but I was not that. So I fell into the small category of mask wearing and complying conservative. I was fine with that.

Masks were never a problem. They of coursed annoyed me when they fogged up my glasses, or when I felt short of fresh air, but it made me feel safe.

May 2021

So May came and my husband had enough of the masks. We had been back to church since September, responsibly teaching the youth with spacing, cleaning and even a seating chart. I noticed more had taken off their masks. After all, many had been vaccinated and felt more comfortable shedding the masks. My dad, still without a mask, shaking hands and not social distancing since this whole thing started, untouched, still here and healthy. This made me start to question if he had been right. Was the masks mandated for more than just our safety?

Mask Mandates Removed: Feeling More Comfortable

Eventually the mandates for masks were dropped, and more and more started taking them off. There were still plenty that kept them on, I totally respect their choice, and it’s that freedom that so many are fighting for. We even began school with choice. It was amazing seeing the little faces again. Truly, we underestimate a smile until you can’t share one. We use facial expressions so much.

Another unfortunately aspect of choice was the division that was experienced. I definitely felt the pressure, being one of only a hand full that choose to be maskless.

Passing another maskless person, was like calling out in the Hunger Games, when you crossed paths with an alliance. It shouldn’t have ever felt that way, but at times the stance was lonely.

Unfortunately, this was temporary.

THE BOARD MEETING

The board met for feedback from the community about changing the mask policy, which meant they were seriously considering adding a mask mandate back.

I had been maskless all Summer, and enjoying life as if we were no longer in a pandemic. I was still cautious, I used the sanitizer, I wiped the cart and tables, I kept my distance when possible. However, I realized that the masks were useless, and felt like the other factors were more appropriate in keeping my family safe.

As I listened to each side plead their case, I was struck by such division. Those against the mask mandate, came with powerful stories. I cried. Stories about the otherside to this pandemic, the loneliness, the suicide, the learning loss. Those in favor of the mask regurgitated the narrative often heard, with limited data and figures of how important masks were. Truly, if we were all fitted for N95s, then maybe. But the cloth masks only provide a false sense of security. Covid numbers were going up, and they attributed this to the lack of masks.

Battle Lost for Now

We won the first round, but that was short lived. Not long after the powerful stories and passionate influence in favor of freeing our children from the feared, the board decided to switch directions and implement the masks.

Currently

Nearly six months into the school year, and we are still wearing masks. It is truly sad. The only benefit now is I believe this new variant is peeling back the lies and exposing truths. Almost everyone I know has gotten Covid, at least once. I did, probably twice. It wasn’t fun, but I was prepared. I fought it with everything I could. I had researched the key vitamins and protocol. They were stocked and ready for my fight.

PROTOCOL

In case you have been kept in the dark, go out and buy these!

Vitamin D3 with K

Zinc

Vitamin C

Quercetin

Elderberry

and newly added Black Seed Cumin Oil

Additionally, I chose to take a baby aspirin, breathing treatments as needed, antibiotics and a steroid, plus some life-saving early treatment that no one is allowed to talk about. (It totally works!)

CONTINUE to FIGHT for OUR KIDS

The most important thing we can do is share our stories, talk about the true TRUTHS and expose the lies. Masks, the kind we are wearing aren’t really working. It makes those who still fear this virus, FEEL better, but it does not protect them. The shots are not preventing transmission, why are they so important? How many boosters will be too many? Who will pay the doctor’s bill if you have a reaction or a problem from all these shots? Are you willing to continue listening to those who have never had our health or our best interest at heart? Why are early treatments being suppressed? Why must they silence us? Where is the line, what does enough look like?

Ask these questions and honestly answer them. Maybe you’ll get to where I am, maybe you won’t. What I know for sure is we cannot continue to shelter in fear and lose the very thing we are trying to save, living..

My Missed Embraced-Ana

Early in 2020, after schools shutdown, one of my exchange students from Spain, left for home early to be with family. In such uncertain times, I totally understood. I cannot even imagine being countries away from my child during such a scary, unfamiliar time. My students had become like family to me, and I hated saying goodbye. The other exchange students organized a send off to say their final farewells.

Unfortunately with exchange students, goodbyes are often forever.

So we all met below the airport road, with our signs, stationed in our cars, responsibly distanced from one another. Saying goodbye has always been so hard for me. We smiled, waved, and cried, knowing that this goodbye would probably be forever. And then, the girls broke from their fear, and ran into each others’ arms. I sat watching them hug, cry and say their proper goodbyes. I sat in the back of my car, with my son and my sign, crying and letting fear steal my embrace with sweet Ana.

At the time, the pandemic was new. The virus was novel. There was still so much we didn’t know. I was afraid. I feared for my children and my family, so I missed that sweet hug, the one I will never get back.

I think about that a lot. Not just the embrace but the idea and the many moments that have been stolen from individuals and families for nearly three years.

Some people chose to not go to the wedding, some decided it was best not paying their final respects, some weren’t invited out of fear of an outbreak, some never left home. I know so many that missed so much. Maybe they didn’t visit their own family or even ridiculously made them wear plastic for the needed embrace, but they still got the virus.

I got it, so did my family.

I have had friends pass away from complications from Covid. I had family that nearly did not survive from this evil disease. At what cost do we miss out of the very lives we want to protect?

I will forever regret my missed embraced with Ana. What have you missed?

Knowing now what I know, I am thankful to have realized what I was missing early on. I never missed a moment with my parents, I let my kids have friends over, we went to birthday parties, we went to church. So many are still afraid to embrace and are missing life. I pray they wake up before they miss any more.

GOD’S GOT THIS ONE TOO.

So a week ago I received a message that I must come in for the dreaded Seniority draw which meant one of two things. I was either losing my job or getting transferred out of the department I had worked so hard to be in. As my fifth year of teaching continued, I had finally found some consistency. I was working with children from kindergarten all the way to high school. I loved it. –I mean,I love it. I love teaching and building relationships with the teachers and families of my students. I had even earned a Master’s degree in ESL and jumped through the added hoops to ensure my job security. However, don’t underestimate the power of technicalities which my job had become.
Apparently, despite my seniority, education and experience, all that I worked for was forsaken due to a location, a job description, a label, a job posting title reading:Career Center/Multiple schools-ESL. It was enough to put me on a list to be put in a pool with many other unfortunate souls and let the county decide our fate. It was hurtful and wrong, and I was angry.
I first thought of fighting back, filing grievances and defending my right to be in my position. I had earned it.
But a voice inside whispered to be still. From many experiences I have seen God work and have learn to trust in his plan. He has never failed me before, why would he now? After several indirect messages from God, through my friends at Walk FM and a song on the radio, “Heaven on Earth,” I sat back and smiled. I knew it would be ok. I was going to be ok. Maybe this transfer will put me next to someone who needs to know God. Maybe there is a child that will need someone to love them. I don’t know and that is scary, but he has never failed me before.
We often say, Lord put me where you want. Or Lord, use me except when we don’t want to be moved because it is comfortable.
I mean, I love my job and my coworkers. They truly are the best. My students, some of which I have had for several years, I will miss. Oh and my friends who I have made at every school. The ones that bring joy and a smile when I see them. I will miss so much but he has never failed me, why would he now?
I have no doubt that what lies ahead is amazing. I am sure I can’t even imagine some of those details that he will lay out especially for me to grab ahold and know, without a doubt that this is WAY better than what I had in mind.
That song…that God sent to me says…

But here’s where my new story starts
Take my life and let it be
Set on fire for all to see
Break me down, build me up again
Don’t leave me the way I’ve been
Take my heart into Your hands
Come and finish what You began

Help me move when I should move
Help me rest when I should rest
Help me give what I should give
All of me, nothing less
Help me speak with grace and truth
Help me fight for those who can’t
Help me love the way You love
Never holding nothing back (yeah like Heaven on earth)
Take my life and let it be
Set on fire for all to see
Break me down, build me up again
Don’t leave me the way I’ve been
Take my heart into Your hands
Come and finish what You began
‘Til I seek Your kingdom first
‘Til I shine, shine
Like heaven on earth.

♥️♥️♥️♥️
God’s got this one too.

control freak: learning to trust

So I like to be in control, I try and control everything… all with good intentions. This is my story how I learned to let go and trust in God’s plan and purpose for me.

Recently our family has went through some changes. My husband went from being an independent contractor to deciding he was unhappy. The job itself was stressful and had become financially unstable for us. He began looking for another job. It was scary. Leaving what you know for something that is unknown sometimes makes a person just want to stay in a situation because it is more comfortable even when they know it’s not good.

I decided to do something different. I decided to trust in God completely. Throughout the last five years my faith has strengthened but I still was in control. I always thought I knew best. I made all the decisions and when I prayed I knew what I was praying for, I knew what outcome I wanted. This time all I knew was I wanted my husband to go down the right path. So I tried letting go with reservation. I was fearful my husband would accept a job that might not be right, might not support us like we needed or even with the economy leave us with nothing..however …I trusted in God.

So as I started letting go and trusting in God’s plan, I started becoming more comfortable with the idea. Throwing caution into the wind is very liberating when you are allowing God to take over. Meanwhile our life continued…

The Lesson: Terror In the Heavens

My whole family took a trip to Arizona so I could walk the stage at my graduation. I live in WV. My kids love flying, my husband not so much, I never minded either way. I knew the risks but I enjoyed looking out the window and the wonder of the view would sidetrack most the fears I had, if I have any.

After an amazing trip we took the red eye to North Carolina. The take off was bad, bumpy and we lost altitude on cue with the bumps and jerks that I felt we would never even reach a point where it would even out. I thouht we were going to die. I felt so horrible and responsible for bringing my family here and putting us in this place and dangerous scenario. I looked at my kids with horror while they slept soundly and grabbed my husband’s hand..

I started to pray.

“Lord, I am so scared, please don’t let my family die, please bring this plane home safely, please let us live. There is so much I want to do, please just calm the plane and bring us home safe.”

The turbulance continued…

I prayed again. And again. And again…

I tried everything to get my mind off of it but with each bump and large drops, I looked around and wondered why the captain wasn’t advising us that it would stop soon, something that would give us hope that we would be in clear skies soon. This was a four hour flight.

I prayed more, I even sang hymns, I resighted the Lord’s prayer, I even assured myself that I was saved and right with God. I had never been so terrified.

I started getting angry, praying “why won’t you stop this? Can’t you see that I am scared, please calm me, calm this plane. Stop the turbulance!!!! God are you there???”

Badly shaken, we landed in NC and attempted to get a rental because we were so afraid to continue with the last flight. No options so we boarded again, relunctantly.

The turbulance continued..I continued to pray.

We landed safely in WV. (Ahhh………..Breath)

On our drive home, I finally got it.

It all made sense. I learned my lesson.

We were safe. God DID answer my prayer. He did’t take the path I chose which was to calm the storms and make me feel at ease, but we were alive. We were safe…and then it hit me.

In life we think we know the way it should be. When life gets scary we want it to stop and when it doesn’t we question God. What we don’t see is the end, the plan, the purpose. In some cases it is the storms that teach us and therefore are necessary to understand the other side, other times its learning to gain faith and even become broken so that we can be filled by God.

That trip taught me to ride out those storms. God never left me, he carried us all the way home safely and taught me to trust in him, he’s got this.

I continue to let God take control, even when it seems hopeless. I have been in awe time and time again with his perfection. His timing is always PERFECT.

Just let go. Let him guide us. My prayer now is this, “dear Lord, thank you for your amazing plan that slowly I see you lay out for me each day. I am in awe of you and how things always turn out for the best whether to teach me, mold me or guide me through experiences that shape who I am. Continue to guide me and help me find it. Help me find what you have made perfect for me.”

All things work together for good to them that love God.

Quick update: sugar addict. Week 2

So I have completely got rid of my deserts. The first few days, determinaction helped to cut my desire for sweets. I didn’t get rid of my coffee but my ratio of cappuccino to coffee slowly got smaller. The first week I only ate one fiBerlin one brownie after lunch and dinner. Once week 2 began, I cut them. I did find a larabar that has naturally occurring sugar. I started eating one after a meal and slowly realized that I could deal with half. I noticed after my dinners, I didn’t eat anymore. No more late night snacking. I didn’t even have to try that hard. I didn’t want it. I started doing my nightly exercises that I use to do like pushups, squats and crunches. I do them quietly at night and it takes around 6 minotes. The scale started dropping. First with a pound, then a pound and a half. Now up to around 7 to 8. I think that’s a huge motivator!!! Yay me! I can do this. Instead of sugar, I eat crackers, cheese, mainly cheese. Yeah, originally I thought cheese…bad. but the protein is great. It does stop you up but if you eat some veggies, it will slowly get better. It’s totally worth it. I keep updating my friend I mentioned that inspired this. I am forever grateful. I will continue to update. I look forward to a dramatic before and after

For the first time in a long time, my strength and will is stronger than my appetite.

Walking with a sugar addict

So I decided to journal this new journey away from my addiction to sugar. Sugar addiction is just like any other addiction, it’s hard to break. I love sugar and the relationship with the feelings I get from sugar. Now I sound like a real drug addict, getting a high and there really is no difference. I’ve known for a long time that it was a problem especially when you find yourself hiding food so you don’t look like such an addict. Now my decision to quit isn’t just because I want to return to a size I had been before,it is but it’s also because of the extreme lows after binging on it. I get really upset with myself, to the point where I start to verbally abuse myself and my body image. Image isn’t everything but that feeling sucks. It actually spirals to make me consume more calories to try and cover up that pain and embarrassment.

A short back story:

In 2011 I weighed nearly 195 pounds. I had my second child and the baby weight had taken on new heights and weights! I was miserable. Thankfully my little sister worked to lose her weight the right way by counting calories and exercising. I think she lost more than 60 pounds! She was my inspiration. I followed her journey and worked similarly to lose the weight and I did. I eventually got to my lowest at 121 but leveled out at around 130. I was happy there. I felt good, healthy and full of energy. I even ran my first half marathon!

Years later I felt I wanted to have another baby so we tried. The roller coaster of emotions while trying to get pregnant, especially after two miscarriages is very difficult. I did however after a year of trying, right after I turned 35, indeed get pregnant with baby number three. I had already gained some weight before getting pregnant because of the stress of trying. Now I was in a whole different ball park of fear, worry and stress. It was the kind that made me eat until I could see a heartbeat and then as I waited to feel the first kick. Soon, I was eating out of control again. I could see those old habits flooding back. I also saw my body changing, reminding me of the body I had before I had lost the weight. I felt blah. Pregnancy gave me permission to pig out and so I did.

I vowed I would work to get it off, after all, I knew how. I had already proven that. It wasn’t that easy. It isn’t that easy.

You know what the hardest thing is…., knowing the one thing alone that will change the way you feel, seems so easy …….just don’t eat so much!!! But it’s hard!!!! So hard. I definitely have my excuses, they are good excuses too, like I have 3 kids. It is so hard to find time to work out. I also don’t want to lose any time with my baby, he’s my LAST ONE! I’ll never get those moments back. My life is busy with practices, games, work, church and birthday parties. Tons of birthday parties!

So here I am, I weigh 160, or 159 on a good day. It’s not terrible but there is so much fat. I look swollen and none of my clothes fit well. I hate the feeling of fat, rolling and touching on my belly or my arms in a tank top or my 2 chins, sometimes 3. I just feel bad and tired. I hate taking pictures and seeing what I’ve become. It’s so embarrassing.

Now it’s the new year and everyone makes stupid resolutions. I hate those. They are always made in vain.

A friend and coworker of mine was diagnosed with MS. She has been researching how to reverse her progression and came up with a diet plan to help her and her symptoms. It sounded crazy and hard but she’s determined. I got to thinking, she’s not doing this to lose weight but to live. How selfish am I that I can’t seem to eat less and workout some. I’m pretty healthy, just a bit overweight. I started doing research myself and realized that my problems aren’t because I eat a Big Mac every day or that I never touch my vegetables, I love them, it’s because I eat mindlessly and consume an ungodly amount of sugar. Sugar alone makes up the majority of my calories. Before lunch I easily consume around 6 to 7 hundred calories. When I lost that weight I netted under 1000 for the day although I may have consumed closer to 1600. I had gone crazy. There were days I would eat thousands of calories in chocolate bars alone. Why?

What did I gain from it but weight?

I found Sarah Wilson’s ” I quit sugar,” book. It’s amazing. I am on day one but have read through chapter five and week 3 of an eight week detox.

I am doing this. It’s going to be hard but I can do this. I will do this. I will document my journey with stats, pictures and this blog and hopefully after these eight weeks, I will feel better, happy, less swollen and more energetic. I am excited!!!!

to be continued……

God Continues to Amaze me

Last year around October, my husband I decided that even though we are approaching 35 years of age in a year that we would TRY for another child. I say that lightly because it has never been as simple as, “hey let’s have a baby and then bing bang boom we’re pregnant….and then 9 months later WE HAVE A BABY!!!” Unfortunately we have had many bumps in the road, much heartbreak and worries but still JOY. We lost two babies in miscarriage which in all honesty scars a woman in a way no one unless you have experienced it can understand. There is an unsettling, an uneasiness that accompanies what should be joyous occasion. The year went on, each month I waited to see if I would be late and the possibility to pull out one of those EPT tests and HOPE for two pink lines. However, each month same old, same old, no testing or at least nothing positive. We had talked about adoption so we started to focus on that. We were even beginning the steps and looking a waiting children which seemed hopeful. I knew that when I turned 35 that I would seal my fate to ever carry again and permenantly FIX myself. So my birthday came and no baby news….It was old news, we were no longer in the running for a child.

Right before our Annivesary we were planning on an amazing trip to Gettysburg and to see my childhood favorite band ( a lifelong dream..THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK!) I was so excited. We were going to have so much fun! The night before we left I had thought in my head, I am going to be on my period during this weekend which will SUCK!!! ( I get terrible cramps and besides, your period time sucks and especially when you are trying to have a good time) I started thinking about when I was suppose to start and the counting seemed off..I thought, “Could it be?” I just so happen to have a test laying around so I took it without one thought believing it would be any different from the rest. It was one that actually would read “PREGNANT OR NOT PREGNANT.” As always, this would surely be no different…….

I waited……

I waited…. “OH MY GOODNESS<<<<PREGNANT?????????”

I could not believe it, what??? Are you serious? NOW? I had basically shut that door and now it was WIDE OPEN AGAIN!

As Joy and Excitement and even SHOCK continued,,,Then I got nervous. Immediately after the news of finding out I am I began to worry about what if I don’t STAY pregnant. When you have had a miscarriage you worry about everything! Everything! When you go to the bathroom, each time you look for blood. You read and read and read more about symptoms, statistics and google everything!

The NEWS for my husband!========

He was in shock too, happy but mainly shocked. He didn’t think it was possible for me. Neither did I and here I am 35 and Pregnant. Funny thing is, I conceived before I was 35! ( GOD IS SO GOOD!)

As the first trimester continued, I continued to worry and continued to pray for this baby. “God please let this baby live! I want so badly for this baby to be ok and be apart of our family” As my life has always been, in good times and bad, God has always been there. Over the years I have learned that I am not in control which is GOOD. With God in control and faith to believe that it will all work out, it has really been an eye opener. Each time I am truly amazed at his amazing planning and timing. Just like this child that I thought I would never have and now was carrying. Who would have known? He did. He planned this.

Fast forward a few months and I am still waiting and applying for teaching jobs like crazy and finally I get the call from the school that I love so very much to teach again! God was there.. He knew all along even though I worried and stressed over this, he had it all along.

During the last few months of my first trimester, with each scare and worry that the baby would not be growing correctly or I would not hear a heartbeat…he was there..Saying I have this…Have faith.

I am now 20 weeks with a Contracted position in the job I wanted for next year and jus had my anatomy ultrasound. My baby is PERFECT! He is perfect. Each and every part of him is flawless. As the ultrasound tech went over each and every detail of his body and development, it is all perfect. God is perfect. He continues to amaze me. Why am I worthy of all of these blessings?

I have two boys, another one on the way, a family that is strong, healthy and together. My parents are amazing, my needs are taken care of…I have so much. I look around and say why am I so worthy to have this amazing life. He loves me. God Loves Me. ..That’s why. I try to worship and honor God in my life but I know I always come short. He still loves me. I am in AWE of his Amazing love.